Normallife4me’s Blog

In the last few weeks, I have realized what little impact I have on people. I have a few friends, and they are awesome. But, I really would like to renew friendships with those I have lost contact over the years. I was never a popular person, nor did I ever want to be. I was never one to be center of attention. I just want some of my old friends back. I love my close friends I have now – I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They listen to me gripe and complain, they make me laugh, we have fun, and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through these last few years without them.
But, do you ever miss friends you haven’t kept in touch with? Maybe we are no longer friends because I did something hurtful or mean. Maybe I just wasn’t a good friend. Maybe, my accent gets on their nerves! (I have been told this before). Maybe I am not smart enough or I am just an idiot. Maybe I just need to stop worrying about it.
Not really sure. I think I will pick the latter and just stop worrying about it.

If you read my other blog, you saw my husband and I were cleaning out storage buildings this weekend. I found boxes of my mother’s and my Godfather’s belongings. For those who do not know, I lost my mom in July 2003 and my Godfather June 2004.
Going through their belongings made me miss them so much. When I remember my mom, I try to remember her from when I was about 12 until the last few months of my senior year. Those were her best years. She was fun and youthful, and beautiful. Things I could only wish I was. She had a rough life, full of bad decisions and her tendency to be drawn to the bad crowd. But, still, I miss her so much. I wish my children could have known her (Alex barely remembers her and the other two don’t remember her at all). When I think of her, I can’t help but cry thinking of how she lived. She was so lost and confused. Her last few years, I became the mother and she was the child. But, I still miss her so much….
My Godfather was my stability growing up. He tried to rescue my sister and I whenever he could. I miss him so much! I miss his unwanted (and wanted) advice, I miss him singing oldies in the car, I miss his lead foot, and I miss his cooking. There were so many things I took for granted with him. Man, how I miss him.
I sat at those boxes on Sunday and just cried. I know it has been years, but just sitting there, finding letters they had written, cards and pictures, I remembered them both and remembered the love I felt for them. Time does heal the pain, but it never really goes away. But, I know I am a better person because of both of them. I learned what decisions to make and where to place my faith. I learned how to love and take care of those I care about. I learned how to live.

Well, it all started this past weekend. My husband and I decided we had been in our house long enough (almost 2 years) and it was about time for us to get our stuff out of storage. We would go through it and then sell whatever we don’t use in a garage sale. Realistically, this “stuff” has been in a storage building for 2 years. We really don’t need it. So, we pretty much kept only sentimental things and put the rest in the garage sale. The things we could hide from our kids anyway.
Well, I found my high school yearbooks, elementary school yearbooks, pictures from my childhood and most importantly, my senior memory books. Yes, I had two. I had one for my school stuff, the other one was for my youth group.
As I have gotten older, and gone to my 10 year class reunion (a few years ago), I realized my memories were not with my high school, but with my youth group. My most memorable moments in my life were with my youth group. I now realize how much I want the same for my children.
Anyway, back to my original thought. So, I start looking at the pictures, the memory book and remember my friends. Most of them I had lost contact with. Yet, I missed them a lot. Life was so simple then. We were friends who had more in common than just movies and sports. We had a belief that was so strong that it bonded us more than anything.
Then, I get on my Facebook this week. I find my former youth minister and his wife, and then I find friends from that youth group. I couldn’t believe it! I have kept in touch with Alisa and Audra (not as much as I would like to), but the others I had lost touch with over the years. Alisa hasn’t – she kind of kept me up to date on everyone. I found Q awhile back and been keeping in touch with him every now and again.
I then realized how much I missed that group of friends. And then I realized how this is just life is. You make friends and over the years, you move away and hope to keep in touch.
Alisa and I had talked about organizing a Calvary Youth Reunion. Actually, I think she actually may have put me in charge of it. I really want to have one – I would enjoy it so much more than my high school reunion. It was awful! Didn’t remember too many and I think I was easily forgotten!
So, now I am off to bed remembering us singing in the van, singing anywhere, Romans and Christians in the pitch dark church, fighting over the middle in the front (the floorboard and if you are old enough – you remember the old van where it burned your rear!), San Antonio, Ski Trip, painting someone’s house, the CRANBERRY, and most of all, the love for each other through Christ. Those were some of the best years of my life!

Today I was daydreaming…. Thinking about what it would be like to run away from my life. Not permanently, of course, but just like a week. I thought I would rent a houseboat (in my daydream I was rich) and live on a lake for a week. No TV or children or maybe even cell phone. No, maybe with a cell phone. I can’t live without mine. I would want to check in with my children to make sure they were okay and tell them constantly how much I miss them and I would think about ending my mental vacation early….

I would just be on the water. I would go fishing during the day and listen to the radio at night. Definitely no bathing suits. I wouldn’t want to kill the fish by a heart attack and sure wouldn’t want to scare them away… No clocks, no schedules. Just hiding away for a couple of days.

Does that make me a horrible person? I know in comparison, my life is not bad. But there are some days where I could just take a mental vacation. I think about my life and the choices I have made. The choices others have made and how it affected me, and I think it could have always been worse.

But, isn’t it funny how no matter what we have, we always seem to want more? I guess that is human nature. Maybe not necessarily more in quantity, but wondering what would have happened if????

Like, what would have happened if I married one of the guys I dated in high school? Or maybe what would have happened if I had never married at all? Of course, I wouldn’t have my children whom I love more than myself.

My children make me smile at the end of the day. No matter how bad the day could have been , I look at my children and see their future. I worry more about them everyday. I worry about the problems they may face and what decisions they will make.

I only pray they don’t make the same mistakes I did, or my other family members did. I know life is not perfect, and we learn from our mistakes. I just hope their mistakes are minor.

So, I guess I was thinking about running away from my worries. But, in the end, I would be worrying about my children the whole time. I guess that is what makes me a good mom. And, I would want them with me. What a great vacation that would be. We would fish and talk about their lives.

That is what makes my life complete.

Ok, so I got the idea from a friend of mine that I used to work with. Then, I started thinking about doing a blog of my own.
My life is pretty normal – I am married with wonderful children. Sometimes I wonder if I should be married. My family’s history with marriage is not so great. I think maybe it is a sign. I can be demanding and difficult. I like to go out on dates and spend quality time with my spouse. I am not one to want to be in the center of attention. Actually, I prefer to be in the corner so I can people watch!
But, I do want to know I am important to my husband. Sometimes I don’t think he catches onto that.
Anyhoo, now onto other subjects. How about the popular Twilight and Rob Pattinson?? Ok, I got hooked on the books first. Everyone kept telling me how great they were. I am a Harry Potter fan (again, I have kids) and everyone said Twilight was more for me. HP is for the kids, and Twilight would be something I could enjoy – I am a hopeless romantic.

So, I start with the books. Read all 4 in 5 days. Stephenie Meyer, if you ever were to read this, you are an awesome author! I was so intrigued by your writing style. I was addicted!

Then, the movie came out on DVD. I never went to the theatre to see it. Let me backtrack – I didn’t read the books until the week before the movie came out on DVD. So, I was a little behind the times! So, I bought the DVD. Watched it a couple of times and found Rob Pattinson was, well, you know. Every girl and woman in America probably has fallen for the guy… He is adorable! But, then I bought the soundtrack. I didn’t realize he could sing – amazing. He is a rare gem – he is so incredibly talented and yet he is unbelieveably honest. If I were to ever meet him – which is highly unlikely seeing I live in a small town in Texas, but I would just buy him a beer and ask him about his music. Music writers have always amazed me – how do they come up with their music?? Awesome talent!

So, this brings me to this point. I Googled him and found so many articles on him. I found myself feeling bad for him. And then, I thought about it. He is in a Catch 22 – he is probably the type who would like to go to a bar, sit in the corner and listen to some live music. Just be a “normal” person, and yet, because of his talents, he gets swarmed by fans. And this is really true for any person “lucky” enough in the world to be blessed with such talents that one can never really be left alone. I find myself feeling sorry for those fortunate!

Now I know why everyone blogs so much. It is an easy way to say what you are thinking. And thanks to all my friends who got me hooked on Twilight. It is all your fault!

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